Change is all around us; it is part of our lives. We know this. We know this in our minds. But we don’t really accept it in our “central being”. Our central beings are more obtuse. We think this is life; this is the way things are. Wrong.
I mentioned the other day my life as an artist is lost and gone forever. But it took a big event for my central being to realize this and accept it.
Missy stayed wither her father the other and I was on my own. Driving to Dallas I had time and silenced to cogitate on this. I had the radio on to Ranch, country music – something I never do. I turned the radio up really loud – something I never do. I sang with Waylon Jennings “Hank Williams’pain songs, Jerry Jeff’s train songs, blue eyes crying in the rain” - also something I never do. I admitted to myself that James and my life dancing to country western music is over. Yes, it made me sad.
Also on this trip I thought about skiing. Swooshing down the mountain with the wind in my face. The tiny adjustment with knees and hips make turns. James used to say that the reason I was the better skier was because my center of gravity was so low. Probably true. And is that sad? No, probably it is happy because we had the chance to do that – not everyone has that chance.
Laurie, my daughter-in-law, told me one time that when your children are growing up and you have them in your lap rocking them in the rocking chair, you don’t realize this is the last time you will do that, which is a good thing. Otherwise it would be unbearable. Yes, she is a wise lady.
So what does this have to do with dementia? Everything. But also about aging and about life itself.
Missy’s friend says you can look at your life in five year increments and see the changes. What were you doing five years ago? Ten years ago? Fifteen years ago?
That trip to Dallas was much more valuable than just the pair of pants I bought at Dillards.