DOWNHILL

I think Darling is going downhill some more -  brainwise.  He could not make change at the restaurant where we eat lunch.  He asked where the people were who had slept on the sofa.  He could see they were no longer there but where did they go?  Who was the woman who had been sitting beside me on the sofa? 

He asked if his mother was staying here with us?  No.  Where is she then?  She died about 25 years ago.  Oh yeah.  He did not seem too disturbed.

He has trouble getting up from our low sofa.  Sometimes he cannot walk without falling.  I hang on to him.  Is this weakness in his legs or is it dementia?

More sadness. 

SEISURE

I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and Darling was as stiff as a board, arms out in front of him and shaking all over.  I tried to pull his arms down and could not.  Tried to talk to him.  After about a minute he stopped shaking and went limp but I could still not get him to focus his eyes on me.  Called 911 and went to hospital.  They asked questions – had he ever done this before?  No.  Had he fallen and hit his head?  No.  They did a CAT scan and said it showed that he had had some small seizures before.  They said it could be caused by a bump on the head – even a bump on the head in the past.  Said sometimes they were never able to find what had caused it.  I decided against anti-seizure medication; he takes about 16 pills a day now; do we need to put one more chemical inside him.  Will talk to the kids about this again.  They may want meds.

Going to Dallas today to celebrate Christmas.  It will be nice.  We will have fun. 

WONDERFUL DAIY

Caregivers, do some things for yourself.  Make some time for yourself.  Yes, everyone tells us to do that.  And we agree.  We are going to do that.  But sometimes we put it off – for days, for weeks, for years?  That’s too long. 

I now have a lady coming for 4 hours a day once a week.  Yesterday was her first day.  I hit all the hot spots – Walmart’s, CVS and the library.  (Yes, living in the country is nothing like living in the city.)  At each place I took my time, didn’t hurry, didn’t keep looking at my watch.  I was like a bird out of a cage.  In my mind I was throwing my arms in the air and twirling around in circles.

Today our daughter came to spend the day with her father while I went to lunch with a friend and spent some time visiting with some other friends.  When I got home she had the Christmas tree up and decorated, had hung stockings and fixed a center piece for the dining table!!!!!!!!!  It was like having Santa Clause come after you had decided not to believe in him anymore!!!!!!   It’s wonderful; I love it!!!!!

Friday our daughter-in-law is coming to stay while I go to the caregiver’s meeting!!!!!  Isn’t it wonderful?  I feel like Shirley McClain in Sweet Charity singing If They Could See Me Now.  If I just had a top hat and cane, I would sing and dance.  Yea, yea, 

Now where did I get that little and big print?   

PRAYER

Do you believe in prayer?  I do.  At least I say I do.  If I really do, why am I so astonished when my prayers are answered so soon and so abundantly? 

I told the Lord that I had been a little lonely lately.  It would be nice if a friend gave me a call. 

Good Grief!!!!!!  Before the day was over, a neighbor and his girlfriend called and asked us to meet them for lunch!  Another friend called and asked if we were okay  - said Darling did not look so good last time he saw us.  Amazing!!  What was the 3^rd call?  I’ve forgotten; I am catching dementia from Darling.  A couple of days later, a neighbor came by and brought us a pot of flowers.  Now that is astonishing. 

I told a friend one time that I had never seen an angel.  She said I probably had seen an angel but that I just thought it was a scruffy old man.  Maybe there are lots of angels around and I just overlook them the same way I overlook answered prayers.  That is a shame.

GETTING WORSE

In church last Sunday, Darling asked me 3 or 4 times.  “Is this morning or evening?”  Could he not recognize that we were in church?  We never go to church in the evening.  How will it all end?  There is a hollow place in my stomach.

FRIENDS

Friends are wonderful.  Yes, we all know this but sometimes it needs to be said out loud. 

Houston friends were in town and called us for dinner.  Darling asked 5,280 times:  Now who is coming?  Where will we meet them?  What time?  Where do they live?  Etc!!!  After answering about 200 times I wrote it on the dry erase board for him.  Yes, I am slow.  Then when he would ask, I would say to read the board.  I noticed a twitch in my leg.  Twitch.  More questions. Twitch.  More questions.  Twitch.  I am even getting tense telling about it. 

They finally got here.  My jaws were clenched.  We went to McClains.  (Good old McClains.)  Our good friend Tom even met us there.  Tom’s wife could not come; she was at home with her mother in her caregiver capacity.  She has been a caregiver for the 20 years we have known her and even before that.  She puts the rest of us in the shade as caregivers.    

We talked.  We told each other about upcoming wedding plans for our granddaughters.  We heard old stories about motorcycle accidents, restoring cars, square dancing.  I noticed my jaws had unclenched.  Darling kept ordering more beer.  Then he forgot he ordered it so when the waitress brought it, he thought she was  reading his mind.  We were all laughing including Darling.

When the evening was over I realized I was smiling, relaxed, okay with the world. 

That is what friends can do for us.

CHANGE

Change is all around us; it is part of our lives.  We know this.  We know this in our minds.  But we don’t really accept it in our “central being”.  Our central beings are more obtuse.  We think this is life; this is the way things are.  Wrong. 

I mentioned the other day my life as an artist is lost and gone forever.  But it took a big event for my central being to realize this and accept it. 

 Missy stayed wither her father the other and I was on my own.  Driving to Dallas I had time and silenced to cogitate on this.  I had the radio on to Ranch, country music – something I never do.  I turned the radio up really loud – something I never do.  I sang with Waylon Jennings “Hank Williams’pain songs, Jerry Jeff’s train songs, blue eyes crying in the rain” - also something I never do.  I admitted to myself that James and my life dancing to country western music is over.  Yes, it made me sad.

Also on this trip I thought about skiing.  Swooshing down the mountain with the wind in my face.  The tiny adjustment with knees and hips make turns.  James used to say  that the reason I was the better skier was because my center of gravity was so low.  Probably true.  And is that sad?  No, probably it is happy because we had the chance to do that – not everyone has that chance.

Laurie, my daughter-in-law, told me one time that when your children are growing up and you have them in your lap rocking them in the rocking chair, you don’t realize this is the last time you will do that, which is a good thing.  Otherwise it would be unbearable.  Yes, she is a wise lady.

So what does this have to do with dementia?  Everything.  But also about aging and about life itself. 

Missy’s friend says you can look at your life in five year increments and see the changes.  What were you doing five years ago?  Ten years ago?  Fifteen years ago?

That trip to Dallas was much more valuable than just the pair of pants I bought at Dillards.

DEMENTIA = CRAZY

Nov. 7, 2011

Dementia makes you crazy, that is, it makes the caregiver crazy.  And like other people who are crazy, we don’t realize we are crazy.  So we just end up doing stupid things and other people help us do them – I guess because they think we know what we are doing.  We don’t.

My most recent crazy thing was that I painted a piece of furniture as if it were a rabbit hutch and donated it for silent auction to the church bazaar.  Then I decided to buy it back from the church; so I started bidding on it.  I got the bid, wrote the church a check and took it home.  (This is the short version.)  My sweet husband who is so tottery he can hardly walk by himself helped me unload it from the pickup and walk up the four concrete steps to the front door with it and bring it inside.  It is a wonder one or both of us did not fall and break a bone. 

When I told my daughter about this, she suggested that maybe it was not the rabbit hutch I did not want to part with but an old way of life I did not want to part with.  I always loved being an artist and painting stuff and selling it at art shows.  This is now gone from me forever.  Yes, she is a smart lady; like her paternal grandmother she has an innate understanding of human nature.

And I apologize to all the people affected by my craziness.

Yes, the picture is tilted, like the rest of my life.

HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON?

How long has this been going on?  I’m not sure.  My friend says it was about 15 years ago that I told her something was wrong with James.  Our daughter agrees that it was that long ago.  When I say that I don’t think it could be that long, she responds that I was “in denial” for a long time.

When James quit working I asked Judy, who worked with him, if she had noticed him not being as sharp as he used to be or not remembering as well.  She said she had not noticed it.  But she hesitated just a moment too long before answering.  Judy, if you are reading this, please excuse me for not returning you phone call yet.  I don’t like to talk about him when he is around. 

We were in Dallas all day yesterday going to doctors’ appointments.  I was exhausted before the day was over – felt like I had been digging ditches.  The only work I had done was answering the same questions 5,280 times.  Why are we here?  What doctor are we going to?  Is it for you or for me?  What time is our appointment?  Do you know how to get there? 

Our friend, Bryan, suggested I get a dry erase board to write all this stuff on.  Then when he asks, I can just say read the board.  He had done this for his mother who has the same problem.  It works pretty well but one day in a fit of hurrying,  I snatched up a permanent marker to write with.  Bad move but in case you ever do

this – you can get permanent marker off with nail polish remover.  You never know when this hint might come in handy.

And yet, there is still some of James down in there.  I was moaning and groaning the other day saying I just did not have the energy I should have.  He told me that he thought he could tell me why.  Why?  He said for me to get my billfold and look at the date on  my driver’s license. 

The brain is a curious thing.

HOW ARE THINGS

How are things?  I’m not sure.  Darling is a little slower I think.  Memory is a little less good.  It is very seldom that he can get the two remotes to work the T.V. anymore.  Yesterday he called me into the bathroom; he could not remember how to turn the shower on.  The doctor told us yesterday that he was seeing Parkinson’s disease starting.  I guess it is not surprising because anything I read about Alzheimer’s or any kind of dementia talks about Parkinson’s.  But this is the first time the doctor has mentioned it. 

He doesn’t like to take a bath or shave.  So far I can get him to shave and shower but it takes some conversation or a down right lie, such as we are going somewhere he likes to go such as church or to eat lunch.  I am not so adamant about shaving; so most of the time he looks like Dr. House.

He still has good social skills.  When we run onto acquaintances I think they probably think I am lying about him having a dementia.  But Missy tells me that anyone would know it if they are around him for a little while.

And he is such a gentlemen.  Recently we were at a local cafe at a meeting of senior citizens.  One of the ladies came in late and there were not any chairs at our table.  She is in her nineties.  James got up to get her a chair to put at the end of our table.  With her so slow from her age and him so slow from his disease I thought the restaurant would close for the evening before she was seated.  Have I told this before?  Sometimes I think my memory is as bad as his.

Until later, H

  H

HARD TO KEEP UP WITH STUFF

We got the new license plate for the trailer.  It came with a rubber band around it and a piece of paper with a sticker showing the month and year it expired.  Great!  A couple of days later the license plate with the rubber band still around it was still laying on the end of the counter – no piece of paper, no sticker.  We looked all over for it.  Looked on both cars for the sticker in case we had put it on one of the cars.  No piece of paper, no sticker.  Went back to the tax office and explained situation.  They knew exactly how to take care of it (we weren’t the first ones).  She asked for 6.50 (I was afraid I would have to pay another 51.00) and got another piece of paper with a sticker.  But this time she pealed off the sticker and stuck it to the license plate before she handed it back to me.  Smart lady.

A few minutes ago I was cleaning off the table by Darling’s chair.  Picked up for trash a cookie bag, an advertisement for a cruise, an old calendar for the car club and the piece of paper with the sticker still attached.  Now why didn’t I look there when I was looking?  I haven’t gotten used to all this yet.  Every day is like a new day.

ADVENTURES

This is a picture of James in heat and sweat with a cold cloth on his head and a cold beer in his hand.

Jack came over to see James yesterday.  They sat around talking and Jack asked what was digging up my flower beds.  Of course I did not know, but whatever it was was really making a mess.  About an hour later Jack called me to come outside and see my new pet.  It was an armadillo – not full grown but not a baby.  He said he wished he had his gun; he would shoot it.

Jack came back today to get James to go running around with him.  He said he needed to check on some job sites and then they would have tamales for lunch.  They took the Camaro, top down and hotter than Hades.  They got back about 2:30, red faced and drenched in sweat.  They came back from putting the Camaro away and Jack called to me.  There are now three armadillos in the yard.  He had brought his gun with him but he forgot shotgun shells; did we have some?  We have not had guns or ammo since James got sick.  We were advised to get rid of all that kind of stuff which we did. But James does not know that; so he was looking all over the house for 12 gauge shells.  Jack went up to the store for shells and when he came back he and James were all over our yard and neighbor’s yard shooting at armadillos.  The next thing I knew Jack was gone.

It is always an adventure when Jack is around.  When James first got sick he came home and said Jack and his wife were going to Jefferson for the day and had invited us.  Great!  We went to their house early in the morning for the day trip.  It was much more complicated than that; there were about 10 people and the men were going on motorcycles and the women were going in the car.  I did not know until we passed the turnoffs to Jefferson that we were not going to Jefferson for a day.  We were going to Bossier City for the gambling for 3 days!  James and me with no clothes and certainly not enough money for gambling.  The rest of this story is here in one of the early blogs.

As I say, Jack is always an adventure.

FURNITIURE

A lot of my furniture looks pretty bad – okay – really bad.  The threadbareness you see is on the recliner sofa James sits on.  It is just the arm covers that come with the furniture so that if company is coming, I just take these off.  James sits and scratches on them.  Dr. Downs says it is a tremor.  He also scratches on my pillow sometimes and of course it is really loud with my ear on the pillow.  The recliner part of one of the sofas is held together with a pair of vice grips.  The vice grips are under the sofa so I thought they did not show but our son said “why do you have vice grips holding your sofa together”.  So why don’t I get new sofas or have these repaired and recovered?  Because I don’t know what is to come.  I keep hearing stories about incontinence and violence. 

Do I just go around looking for trouble?  My mother used to say I did. 

BRAINS ARE STRANGE

My darling doesn’t drive anymore. His truck sat out in the driveway gathering dust and loosing spunk and value everyday. The children and I decided to sell it. Out son took it home to see how its absence went and to prepare to sell it. Every time James went outside and saw it was gone he would ask where it was. I would tell him where it was and that Drew was driving it some. I finally told him that we wanted to sell it and why. Everything hit the fan. He would ask twenty times a day where it was and would get upset and argue about it each time. He once asked why we were trying to get rid of all his stuff before he was even dead. . In fact he just became cranky in general. I finally called Drew and left a message. Please bring the truck home, we are going to let it sit in the drive way and rot!!!!!!!!! James asked me about five more times where his truck was and each time I told him that Drew was going to bring it home. So James was satisfied. He got un-cranky. He even told Drew over the phone not to be in any hurry to bring it home when it was convenient. So now he is back to his old self .

WHY????? We know he can’t remember about any of this; so why has his mood changed?

I remember reading about a test done on some Alzheimer’s patients. They were shown movies that were sad and movies that were happy. Ten minutes later they did not remember seeing the movie but they retained the emotion of being either happy or sad. So strange.

I told a friend about this and he said his wife would not let me watch sad movies. She would only let him watch Black Beauty and such movies.

MARKING TIME

This is about me. Selfish? Maybe, I don’t know.

People are always asking me how I am doing and I usually feel I am doing really well – considering. James is still able to be with people, go out to eat, feed himself, even sometimes contribute to the conversation. He dresses himself, takes a shower alone (when I can get him to). He is easy to be with. These are the “good times” alzheimerswise. So why wouldn’t I be doing well?

But I sometimes I feel like I am marking time.

Marking time until what? Waiting for his death? I don’t want him to die. Waiting for all the bad times? For times when he reaches the bad stages I can’t cope with? I don’t know.

I have started trying to paint again. I moved all my painting stuff to a corner of the living room. It is a big mess and looks awful but this is the way I work best – with everything at hand. So what difference does it make? I have painted the most awful pictures I’ve ever seen. Where are all those pictures I used to paint that I was pleased with? I am trying to do portraits. Why? I don’t know. I am completely unable to get a likeness. I bought a mirror so I could do self portraits. At least I am patient with myself and not critical if I put in all the wrinkles. My first self portrait is a picture of an old woman with big eyes – much bigger than mine. I have cut them down once. The turkey gobbler flap under the chin doesn’t look right. It is just a big flesh colored glob. The forehead is too big; I need to bring more hair down to cover up some of it. When I finish it I will let it sit around for a while and then paint something else on top of it.

And yet I have wonderful, wonderful times. I don’t know what I would do without my children and grandchildren. My cousins make a great social life for James and me. The Methodist Men take James places which he still loves to go.

And I still have my garden – a blessing or a curse? I think I will go out and plant more purple hull peas – this is the right phase of the moon.

Maybe next time I will be in a better mood. Thank you for putting up with me.

SOPHIE

I painted the picture of Sophie, one of the dogs in the family. All the other dogs are giant sized Labs.

One of the family members calls Sophie “Princess” since she has all the traits and looks of a princess.

Another family member says that if Barbie had a dog it would be Sophie.

Another member said that in that case she would not last long that GI Joe’s dog would eat her.

Another small Sophie story – When she was brought home as a puppy one of the Labs loved to play with her. They would bounce around and run all over the house. The Lab would pick her up in his mouth and carry her around, always being gentle never hurting her at all. After a day of playing they were exhausted and slept like babies. Aren’t we lucky to have dogs in our lives?

One of these days I will tell about one of the Labs. The one that reminds us of the movie Marley and Me. They had him neutered for all the usual reasons but also because NO ONE WANTS THIS DOG REPRODUCED!!!

DINNER AT JANET'S

We went to Janet’s last night for dinner.  When we got there, two of their grandsons and one of their wives were there.  It was so good to see them; the last time I had seen them I was taller than they were and had never met the wife.  Janet had already told them they could not eat dinner because she did not have enough.  Joe complained that they interrupted him and made him forget his cooking.  He said it would be a religious dinner; we were having burnt offerings. 

After we had finished eating, some more of their family dropped by and we sat around talking “family talk”.  It was mentioned that one of the relatives might move back to Texas.  He works for a grocery chain called Super One which they said was part of Brookshire’s.  Someone else asked what was the difference between Brookshire’s and Super One.  James answered spelling out “B R O O K …….”  He really did mean it as a joke and we all loved it.  Every once in a while the old James shows up and we love it.

Close families are wonderful.  I am sorry for people who don’t have them.

BLESSINGS

Blessings come from strange things.  Don’t you agree?  Sometimes I find I am being blessed and had not even noticed it.  That is not good.

I enjoy doing solitary things.  Maybe because I grew us as an only child.  James never looked forward to being at home.  Home is where he was when he did not have other entertainments.  We would go to the valley for a few weeks after Christmas to square dance.  It was fine, okay; I enjoyed it.  We would square dance and round dance from one to three times a day.  And I enjoyed it; but it also meant that I was not at home working in my flower beds (and later my garden).  When he would mention retiring and trailering full time, my heart would sink.  No gardening, difficult oil painting – not a lot of room.  Difficult sewing, also not enough room.  I envisioned driving for miles and miles.  Staying at campgrounds and having covered dish dinners with strangers.  Just how many covered dishes was I going to enjoy cooking and cleaning up after?  Oh, woe is me – or so I thought. 

Well I am certainly not happy that he got sick – never that.  But now he is most comfortable being at home.  He is agreeable to my dragging him off places but he would prefer being at home.  We eat lunch out everyday and at lunch he will ask two or three times where we are going from there.  He is always relived when we are going home.  If we go to the grocery store or somewhere else, he sits in the car and listens to the radio.  (I always wonder if this is the time I will come back to find him and the car gone.  So far that has not happened.)  He takes a nap in the morning and a long nap in the afternoon.  The Alzheimer’s specialists say that is usual; when they get those “tangles” in the brain, they require more sleep.

So I have done more painting in the last few months than I have since he worked and was gone out of town half the time and I did art shows.  I can work in the yard whenever I want to.  I have a place fixed up in the basement with grow lights and raise most of my own seedlings.  I also sew.  For a few years I made reenactment costumes and bonnets and sold them on ebay.  When the economy took a downturn, I was not selling as much so I gave that up.

As I say, I am sorry he is sick but I am more free to do my own thing than I ever expected to be.  It took me a long time to realize what a blessing this is.  I am sure I have been blessed many times in life and never noticed it.  Isn’t that a shame.

SOCIAL GRACES AND UN-GRACES

THE SOCIAL GRACES OR UNGRACES

People are very tolerant.  Thank goodness. 

We went to lunch with another couple the other day.  Her husband has had a stroke and so is not the charming, gracious, gallant man we have always known. 

Between James and him things can be interesting.  Her husband was telling about some moth holes that got into their sofa while it was in storage.  He said the moth balls must have been castrated and therefore did not keep the moths away.  The people in the booth next to us really enjoyed the story.  When we got ready to order, there was a sign on the wall with the daily specials written on it.  James asked the waitress if she would step back a step or two that there was a part of her anatomy covering the menu.  My mouth dropped open; I looked at Janet and her mouth was quivering, trying to keep from laughing.

As I say, people are tolerant.

BIG SURPRISE

Yesterday our daughter came down to spend the day with James and I went running around with friends.  Missy and James had lunch at the tea room.  When lunch time came the friends and I went to the tea room also.  When we walked in, Donna, the waitress, saw me and her jaw dropped and she just stared at me.  Donna told us later that her thought was, “Here she comes and he is here with another woman”.   I went back to their table to say hello and introduced Donna to our daughter.  She was so relived and told us what she had thought.    We loved it.  I also love living in a small town; that could never have happened in Dallas.  Never a dull moment. 

One day a month Missy spends the day with James so I can have a day off.  And one day a month our daughter-in-law spends the day with him so I can get away.  They came up with this plan and announced it to me.  There is no better blessing than good, loving children. 

DEMENTIA

Dementia is a strange partner.  I keep reading that they get along better with a scheduled life.  How can that be?  They can’t remember what they did 10 minutes ago; how can a schedule help?  I don’t know the answer to that but let me tell you, I know it is the truth.  We get up, read the newspaper; he will read me the same thing two or three times. We eat a simple breakfast, he takes a nap.  About 11:00 we go to McClains for lunch.  Come home and he has another nap – a long one.  Either watch TV or listen to music.  Have cereal or soup or a sandwich for supper and go to bed early.  I paint, sew or work in the garden; so I am okay with this. 

Sometimes I fix lunch at home.  (We have good food; we’ve had a lot of fresh asparagus out of the garden this spring.)  He has his afternoon nap but it is not the same.  He is unsettled.  Things are not right.  I don’t understand. 

The experts also tell me that they don’t do well with moves to another home.  They never adjust; they never feel like the new place is their home.  They start to go downhill faster.   Thinking we need to keep the house in shape for the time we need to move closer to our children, we have done a few things.  Last summer we had the retaining wall worked on.  This summer I plan to have the sprinkler system worked on.  Will we need to stay here and not move?  Who knows?

 I hate the thought of moving for myself – leaving my friends.  And I love living in a small place.  I tell myself that I don’t like not knowing what is in the future.  Then I remind myself that we never

know what is in the future – even when we think we know.  So what is different?

I seem unsettled tonight myself.

SUE

 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED

A lot has happened since last time I blogged. 

Darling fell again.  Did not mess up his face like last time.  No cuts or bruises but his nose did not stop bleeding for about six hours.  He could not remember to sit up (to keep his head above his heart), also could not remember to keep his head tilted back so the blood would not run out his nose so badly.  Since he could not remember all this he kept wanting to go to bed.  I kept trying to keep him up so head would not be level with heart and head not tilted back.  I finally gave up about 1:00a.m. and said go to bed.  Once again, he bled all over his pillows, the sheets, blanket, pillow covers, mattress cover, not to mention carpets from living room to bath room.  I threw away his pillows this time, they had already been through the washer/dryer twice.

  As I said before blood is impossible to clean up; so if you are planning to murder someone, don’t let blood be involved.

   I have been told that each time they fall, they don’t seem to come back up to the level they were before the fall.  This seems to me to be the case.

Tonight we have been watching the news and he asked me where Sue (his sister) lives.  I had to tell him she had died about 10 years ago.  He wanted to know what had caused her death – heart attack?  No, she had scleraderma (sp).  What is that?  A disease of the connective tissue, and tried to describe how it works.  Has Boyd remarried?  (He remembered her husband’s name.)  No, and I said something about their children and he was really surprised they had children.  How many, how old are they?  Where do they live?  I gave him a complete report.  When I finished, he said “thank you for telling me”.  I had the feeling he was rather embarrassed that he had not remembered.  Was that my imagination?  Don’t know.  Entirely possible.  They must have to really trust the caregiver. 

So sad.  Heart breaking.  If I were a crying person, I am sure I would be crying.

OUR DAUGHTER MADE US RICH, WELL AT LEAST COMFORTABLE

Did I tell you my daughter made me rich?  And it did not cost a cent.

A few years ago when James let me take over the bill paying again, I noticed money was tight.  I kept taking money out of the Money Market account until that was all gone.  Then I started cutting back.  Reduced our channels on Direct TV, started asking the doctors for free samples of the meds we take to cut down on medicine expense, even started cooking at home more, (yuck).  Yes, most of us, at sometime in our lives, have been poor enough to know how to do this even though we might not want to. Finally faced up to the fact that our monthly income simply was not enough to cover the way we like to live.  I was telling our daughter, Missy, this and she asked about the CD’s that used to be in the bank, did we still have them and couldn’t we dip into theses?  I said yes, we still had them but I did not want to use them – I was saving them until we got old and might need the money.  Her mouth started twitching and then she chuckled and then the full blown throw her head back and laugh. And then I joined her.  Okay, so we were old and needed the money; the time had come; I just hadn’t noticed it.  Son of a Gun!!!!

So now about every six months I take out some money and add it to the bank account to be used in our regular life.  It really works out well since we are required to take out a certain amount from the IRA’s.

Aren’t our children  wonderful?

RECOVER FROM FALL

Well Darling is all healed up from his fall.  I really did not know if he would ever look this good again.  The eight stitches are out and there is just a little line where the gash was.

THE BIG FALL

I was in the bedroom Wednesday night watching one of the English comedies.  There was a big KERRR PLUNKKK in the living room and I knew immediately James had fallen.  I was in there in seconds to find him on the floor on his stomach with his head on the tile of the entry way in a puddle of blood.  He didn’t know what had caused him to fall.  We got him turned over and cleaned up.  There was a gash on his forehead and his nose was no longer straight; it now went off at a slant.  There were some abrasions and it looked like a little piece of his nose was gone.  We almost never got him up and in bed.  He could hardly walk and I knew I could never get him down the porch steps to the car.  It was call an ambulance or put him to bed

You may not want to read the next paragraph.

When I was cleaning up all the blood on the tile there was a little piece of flesh that I knew was his nose.  I picked it up and put it on a paper towel on the counter in the bathroom.  Thought I would put it in a little plastic bottle that craft people put beads in.  You know, like they do in TV programs like Bones.  No, I didn’t plan to keep it forever but thought I would show it to Missy and maybe Kelley.  Most of the rest of the family is too squeamish for that.  The next morning it was gone.  Did the cat eat it?  Later, while I was on my hands and knees cleaning up some more blood droplets in the bathroom, I found it again.  So it is back on a paper towel in the guest bathroom with the door closed.  This was probably more than you wanted to know. 

Next morning (about 5:00 a.m.) we went to the emergency room.  His nose was bleeding again but it was straight now, no longer at a slant.  They cleaned him up, took eight stitches in the gash over his eyebrow, did x-rays etc, nothing broken.  His nose did not want to quit bleeding and they gave us directions on how to position him to help it clot, gave us a prescription for antibiotics and we came back home. 

His nose bleeds off and on and he now has two black eyes and green bruises, plus abrasions and the stitched up gash.  I am sure we will skip church tomorrow.  He looks so awful some people would be repulsed. 

Let me give you one bit of advice.  If you ever decide to kill someone; do it in a way that does not cause blood shed.  Blood is really, really hard to clean up and you would be caught for sure.

CLEAVAGE

As I have mentioned before, my darling still notices the ladies and appreciates their attributes.

A while back in McClains he pointed out to me a girl in a pink sweater with impressive cleavage. I agreed that she had impressive cleavage. Then he suggested that I dress like that and show my cleavage. I said no, I didn’t think I would do that. But he insisted. When I kept saying no he asked me why. So I told him. There are two reasons. 1) My cleavage is a lot lower than it used to be. 2) It looks like it is covered with crepe paper. He laughed until I thought he would fall off the chair. You would think I was funnier than Tim Conway. And what about crepe paper? When girls are young we make costumes out of crepe paper, and doll clothes and in teen years we decorated the gym with crepe paper for dances. I bet he has never had crepe paper in his hands. So was it the other part? The lower cleavage? Whatever it was I appreciate the fact that he is still easy to get along with and enjoys life. Hope this part lasts a long long time.

NEW ADVENTURES IN TIPPING

James, our friend Dorothy and I went to McClains for lunch. James wanted to pay and Dorothy wanted to pay. They back and forthed for a while and then Dorothy said she would leave the tip and she laid down her money. James put down tip money too. I told him Dorothy was leaving the tip. He said he knew that. They went up to the front and I stood looking at the table wondering what to do. I finally thought “great balls of fire, Maridelle, you don’t have to fix everything”. So I turned and left too.

I bet Tabatha, our waitress, was surprised to get a 9.00 tip for lunch in a country cafe.

GAIL SHEEHY

Passages in Caregiving by Gail Sheehy – a wonderful book. Laurie, our daughter-in-law gave me my copy and it has made a difference in my life. Sheehy took care of her husband for many years. He had cancer. She tells us how to continue to have a life even while we are giving care. She tells us how to work toward continuing to have a life and being a real person after our loved one is gone. Surely, like me, you have worried that when this is all over you will only be an empty shell, nothing left inside, friends all gone on to another life while you were unavailable and you will have forgotten how to live life. I have lain awake at night and gone through all this. Haven’t you? Well I now have hope, not only for when it is all over but also for now – today.

She advises us to spend one hour a day doing something we love. I have brought my paints, etc. up from the basement and I paint every afternoon. I have lost a lot of ability in the 4 or 5 years but I believe I can regain it and even if I don’t, I’m having fun. Yes, it makes my living room look messy but I don’t care, as I said, I’m having fun.

Take a weekend once a month. This weekend I am going on a 2-day crop. Our son, Drew, and Laurie are staying here with James. I will meet our daughter and one of our granddaughters there plus the crop leader that I haven’t seen in years. Can’t wait for Friday.

She tells us to take a week every six months. Drew says he has plenty of time off from work and can stay with James for a week. I am talking with my cousins about taking a trip together.

I have an old friend who cleans houses coming once a week for four hours. James has known her for a long time and is comfortable with her. She was here last Friday and I went to the quilt shop and sewed on a quilt I have had going for a year. I sewed and talked and bought fabric and sewed and talked some more. It is a great quilt shop and owned by a wonderful woman.

She suggests lots more. If you are a caregiver, I recommend this book. If it does half as much for you as it has done for me you will be very blessed.

Take care.

A SLOW LEARNER

Yes, I am a slow learner. I give too much information. An example:

I told Darling I was going to mow the yard. He told me I better check to see if I had plenty of gas in the mower. I told him I was going to ride the mower down to the shop where the gasoline is and would put it in then, also maybe add oil – do you put oil in mower? I got my yard working clothes on and started out the door.

“Where are you going?” “

“To mow the yard.”

“Better put gas in the mower.”

“Okay, I am going to ride mower down to shop……”

He follows me outside and I start to mess with the mower.

“Are you going to mow the lawn?”

“Yes.”

“Better put gas in the mower.”

“Okay, I will ride the mower down to the shop, etc…..”

I don’t know how many times we went through this. And then:

“If you are going to mow the grass, you better put gas in the mower.”

And I finally answer:

“Good idea.”

SWEET PICKLES

This story is not about my husband. It is about my mother and aunt.

My mother’s younger sister, Baby, had three daughters and my mother (who I always called Murr) loved all three of them and loved to be around them. One day when the middle daughter, Janet, came to see Murr they got to talking about cooking and recipes they enjoyed making. They decided they would get together over at Janet’s house and make some sweet pickles. My mother was so excited and couldn’t wait to do it. In fact she was so excited about it, she thought they had already done it. So the next time Baby came to see her, she told Baby that she and Janet had gotten together at Janet’s and made pickles. Well Baby was really “put out” as we say in our family. She was aggravated at Janet and Murr because they had gotten together and done something fun without her. I think she was even mad at the rest of us because we had let it happen. Can you blame her? They had spent their lives getting together to do things like that. Why had they left her out this time?

Janet and I liked to have never have convinced her that it had not really happened, Murr just thought it had.

In case there is anyone left on the planet who has not made these pickles, here is the recipe.

SWEET HOT PICKLES

1 gallon jar whole dill pickles.
1 bag of sugar (4 pounds)
1 bottle Tabasco sauce
1 bottle Louisiane hot sauce

Drain juice off pickles and discard. Cut pickles in one inch pieces. Put pickles back in Jar. Pour sugar and hot sauces in jar on top of the pickles, alternating sugar and hot sauces so they are kind of mixed together. Screw the lid back on and leave out on kitchen cabinet so that you can turn the jar back and forth several times a day. It takes about 7 to 10 days of this jar turning. Then refrigerate. I divide them up into several containers and spread them around among my friends; it would take us a year to eat a gallon of pickles.

The hot sauces are up to you. I never use two bottles and sometimes don’t use any hot sauced at all. It is up to you and your taste buds.

PRAYER

Do you believe in prayer? I do. Then why am I so surprised when it works and works so quickly?

Yesterday on the way to Dallas I prayed “Please help me. I need some help taking care of James but I don’t seem to know how to make it happen; would you please help me?” We were with Missy and Laurie in Dallas and they told me that they had made arrangements for Missy to come stay with James every first Tuesday and Laurie would stay with him every third Thursday. That is two days a month that I can count on! Amazing………