MARKING TIME

This is about me. Selfish? Maybe, I don’t know.

People are always asking me how I am doing and I usually feel I am doing really well – considering. James is still able to be with people, go out to eat, feed himself, even sometimes contribute to the conversation. He dresses himself, takes a shower alone (when I can get him to). He is easy to be with. These are the “good times” alzheimerswise. So why wouldn’t I be doing well?

But I sometimes I feel like I am marking time.

Marking time until what? Waiting for his death? I don’t want him to die. Waiting for all the bad times? For times when he reaches the bad stages I can’t cope with? I don’t know.

I have started trying to paint again. I moved all my painting stuff to a corner of the living room. It is a big mess and looks awful but this is the way I work best – with everything at hand. So what difference does it make? I have painted the most awful pictures I’ve ever seen. Where are all those pictures I used to paint that I was pleased with? I am trying to do portraits. Why? I don’t know. I am completely unable to get a likeness. I bought a mirror so I could do self portraits. At least I am patient with myself and not critical if I put in all the wrinkles. My first self portrait is a picture of an old woman with big eyes – much bigger than mine. I have cut them down once. The turkey gobbler flap under the chin doesn’t look right. It is just a big flesh colored glob. The forehead is too big; I need to bring more hair down to cover up some of it. When I finish it I will let it sit around for a while and then paint something else on top of it.

And yet I have wonderful, wonderful times. I don’t know what I would do without my children and grandchildren. My cousins make a great social life for James and me. The Methodist Men take James places which he still loves to go.

And I still have my garden – a blessing or a curse? I think I will go out and plant more purple hull peas – this is the right phase of the moon.

Maybe next time I will be in a better mood. Thank you for putting up with me.

SOPHIE

I painted the picture of Sophie, one of the dogs in the family. All the other dogs are giant sized Labs.

One of the family members calls Sophie “Princess” since she has all the traits and looks of a princess.

Another family member says that if Barbie had a dog it would be Sophie.

Another member said that in that case she would not last long that GI Joe’s dog would eat her.

Another small Sophie story – When she was brought home as a puppy one of the Labs loved to play with her. They would bounce around and run all over the house. The Lab would pick her up in his mouth and carry her around, always being gentle never hurting her at all. After a day of playing they were exhausted and slept like babies. Aren’t we lucky to have dogs in our lives?

One of these days I will tell about one of the Labs. The one that reminds us of the movie Marley and Me. They had him neutered for all the usual reasons but also because NO ONE WANTS THIS DOG REPRODUCED!!!

DINNER AT JANET'S

We went to Janet’s last night for dinner.  When we got there, two of their grandsons and one of their wives were there.  It was so good to see them; the last time I had seen them I was taller than they were and had never met the wife.  Janet had already told them they could not eat dinner because she did not have enough.  Joe complained that they interrupted him and made him forget his cooking.  He said it would be a religious dinner; we were having burnt offerings. 

After we had finished eating, some more of their family dropped by and we sat around talking “family talk”.  It was mentioned that one of the relatives might move back to Texas.  He works for a grocery chain called Super One which they said was part of Brookshire’s.  Someone else asked what was the difference between Brookshire’s and Super One.  James answered spelling out “B R O O K …….”  He really did mean it as a joke and we all loved it.  Every once in a while the old James shows up and we love it.

Close families are wonderful.  I am sorry for people who don’t have them.