Passages in Caregiving by Gail Sheehy – a wonderful book. Laurie, our daughter-in-law gave me my copy and it has made a difference in my life. Sheehy took care of her husband for many years. He had cancer. She tells us how to continue to have a life even while we are giving care. She tells us how to work toward continuing to have a life and being a real person after our loved one is gone. Surely, like me, you have worried that when this is all over you will only be an empty shell, nothing left inside, friends all gone on to another life while you were unavailable and you will have forgotten how to live life. I have lain awake at night and gone through all this. Haven’t you? Well I now have hope, not only for when it is all over but also for now – today.
She advises us to spend one hour a day doing something we love. I have brought my paints, etc. up from the basement and I paint every afternoon. I have lost a lot of ability in the 4 or 5 years but I believe I can regain it and even if I don’t, I’m having fun. Yes, it makes my living room look messy but I don’t care, as I said, I’m having fun.
Take a weekend once a month. This weekend I am going on a 2-day crop. Our son, Drew, and Laurie are staying here with James. I will meet our daughter and one of our granddaughters there plus the crop leader that I haven’t seen in years. Can’t wait for Friday.
She tells us to take a week every six months. Drew says he has plenty of time off from work and can stay with James for a week. I am talking with my cousins about taking a trip together.
I have an old friend who cleans houses coming once a week for four hours. James has known her for a long time and is comfortable with her. She was here last Friday and I went to the quilt shop and sewed on a quilt I have had going for a year. I sewed and talked and bought fabric and sewed and talked some more. It is a great quilt shop and owned by a wonderful woman.
She suggests lots more. If you are a caregiver, I recommend this book. If it does half as much for you as it has done for me you will be very blessed.
Take care.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
A SLOW LEARNER
Yes, I am a slow learner. I give too much information. An example:
I told Darling I was going to mow the yard. He told me I better check to see if I had plenty of gas in the mower. I told him I was going to ride the mower down to the shop where the gasoline is and would put it in then, also maybe add oil – do you put oil in mower? I got my yard working clothes on and started out the door.
“Where are you going?” “
“To mow the yard.”
“Better put gas in the mower.”
“Okay, I am going to ride mower down to shop……”
He follows me outside and I start to mess with the mower.
“Are you going to mow the lawn?”
“Yes.”
“Better put gas in the mower.”
“Okay, I will ride the mower down to the shop, etc…..”
I don’t know how many times we went through this. And then:
“If you are going to mow the grass, you better put gas in the mower.”
And I finally answer:
“Good idea.”
I told Darling I was going to mow the yard. He told me I better check to see if I had plenty of gas in the mower. I told him I was going to ride the mower down to the shop where the gasoline is and would put it in then, also maybe add oil – do you put oil in mower? I got my yard working clothes on and started out the door.
“Where are you going?” “
“To mow the yard.”
“Better put gas in the mower.”
“Okay, I am going to ride mower down to shop……”
He follows me outside and I start to mess with the mower.
“Are you going to mow the lawn?”
“Yes.”
“Better put gas in the mower.”
“Okay, I will ride the mower down to the shop, etc…..”
I don’t know how many times we went through this. And then:
“If you are going to mow the grass, you better put gas in the mower.”
And I finally answer:
“Good idea.”
Sunday, January 9, 2011
SWEET PICKLES
This story is not about my husband. It is about my mother and aunt.
My mother’s younger sister, Baby, had three daughters and my mother (who I always called Murr) loved all three of them and loved to be around them. One day when the middle daughter, Janet, came to see Murr they got to talking about cooking and recipes they enjoyed making. They decided they would get together over at Janet’s house and make some sweet pickles. My mother was so excited and couldn’t wait to do it. In fact she was so excited about it, she thought they had already done it. So the next time Baby came to see her, she told Baby that she and Janet had gotten together at Janet’s and made pickles. Well Baby was really “put out” as we say in our family. She was aggravated at Janet and Murr because they had gotten together and done something fun without her. I think she was even mad at the rest of us because we had let it happen. Can you blame her? They had spent their lives getting together to do things like that. Why had they left her out this time?
Janet and I liked to have never have convinced her that it had not really happened, Murr just thought it had.
In case there is anyone left on the planet who has not made these pickles, here is the recipe.
SWEET HOT PICKLES
1 gallon jar whole dill pickles.
1 bag of sugar (4 pounds)
1 bottle Tabasco sauce
1 bottle Louisiane hot sauce
Drain juice off pickles and discard. Cut pickles in one inch pieces. Put pickles back in Jar. Pour sugar and hot sauces in jar on top of the pickles, alternating sugar and hot sauces so they are kind of mixed together. Screw the lid back on and leave out on kitchen cabinet so that you can turn the jar back and forth several times a day. It takes about 7 to 10 days of this jar turning. Then refrigerate. I divide them up into several containers and spread them around among my friends; it would take us a year to eat a gallon of pickles.
The hot sauces are up to you. I never use two bottles and sometimes don’t use any hot sauced at all. It is up to you and your taste buds.
My mother’s younger sister, Baby, had three daughters and my mother (who I always called Murr) loved all three of them and loved to be around them. One day when the middle daughter, Janet, came to see Murr they got to talking about cooking and recipes they enjoyed making. They decided they would get together over at Janet’s house and make some sweet pickles. My mother was so excited and couldn’t wait to do it. In fact she was so excited about it, she thought they had already done it. So the next time Baby came to see her, she told Baby that she and Janet had gotten together at Janet’s and made pickles. Well Baby was really “put out” as we say in our family. She was aggravated at Janet and Murr because they had gotten together and done something fun without her. I think she was even mad at the rest of us because we had let it happen. Can you blame her? They had spent their lives getting together to do things like that. Why had they left her out this time?
Janet and I liked to have never have convinced her that it had not really happened, Murr just thought it had.
In case there is anyone left on the planet who has not made these pickles, here is the recipe.
SWEET HOT PICKLES
1 gallon jar whole dill pickles.
1 bag of sugar (4 pounds)
1 bottle Tabasco sauce
1 bottle Louisiane hot sauce
Drain juice off pickles and discard. Cut pickles in one inch pieces. Put pickles back in Jar. Pour sugar and hot sauces in jar on top of the pickles, alternating sugar and hot sauces so they are kind of mixed together. Screw the lid back on and leave out on kitchen cabinet so that you can turn the jar back and forth several times a day. It takes about 7 to 10 days of this jar turning. Then refrigerate. I divide them up into several containers and spread them around among my friends; it would take us a year to eat a gallon of pickles.
The hot sauces are up to you. I never use two bottles and sometimes don’t use any hot sauced at all. It is up to you and your taste buds.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
PRAYER
Do you believe in prayer? I do. Then why am I so surprised when it works and works so quickly?
Yesterday on the way to Dallas I prayed “Please help me. I need some help taking care of James but I don’t seem to know how to make it happen; would you please help me?” We were with Missy and Laurie in Dallas and they told me that they had made arrangements for Missy to come stay with James every first Tuesday and Laurie would stay with him every third Thursday. That is two days a month that I can count on! Amazing………
Yesterday on the way to Dallas I prayed “Please help me. I need some help taking care of James but I don’t seem to know how to make it happen; would you please help me?” We were with Missy and Laurie in Dallas and they told me that they had made arrangements for Missy to come stay with James every first Tuesday and Laurie would stay with him every third Thursday. That is two days a month that I can count on! Amazing………
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