DOWNHILL

I think Darling is going downhill some more -  brainwise.  He could not make change at the restaurant where we eat lunch.  He asked where the people were who had slept on the sofa.  He could see they were no longer there but where did they go?  Who was the woman who had been sitting beside me on the sofa? 

He asked if his mother was staying here with us?  No.  Where is she then?  She died about 25 years ago.  Oh yeah.  He did not seem too disturbed.

He has trouble getting up from our low sofa.  Sometimes he cannot walk without falling.  I hang on to him.  Is this weakness in his legs or is it dementia?

More sadness. 

SEISURE

I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and Darling was as stiff as a board, arms out in front of him and shaking all over.  I tried to pull his arms down and could not.  Tried to talk to him.  After about a minute he stopped shaking and went limp but I could still not get him to focus his eyes on me.  Called 911 and went to hospital.  They asked questions – had he ever done this before?  No.  Had he fallen and hit his head?  No.  They did a CAT scan and said it showed that he had had some small seizures before.  They said it could be caused by a bump on the head – even a bump on the head in the past.  Said sometimes they were never able to find what had caused it.  I decided against anti-seizure medication; he takes about 16 pills a day now; do we need to put one more chemical inside him.  Will talk to the kids about this again.  They may want meds.

Going to Dallas today to celebrate Christmas.  It will be nice.  We will have fun. 

WONDERFUL DAIY

Caregivers, do some things for yourself.  Make some time for yourself.  Yes, everyone tells us to do that.  And we agree.  We are going to do that.  But sometimes we put it off – for days, for weeks, for years?  That’s too long. 

I now have a lady coming for 4 hours a day once a week.  Yesterday was her first day.  I hit all the hot spots – Walmart’s, CVS and the library.  (Yes, living in the country is nothing like living in the city.)  At each place I took my time, didn’t hurry, didn’t keep looking at my watch.  I was like a bird out of a cage.  In my mind I was throwing my arms in the air and twirling around in circles.

Today our daughter came to spend the day with her father while I went to lunch with a friend and spent some time visiting with some other friends.  When I got home she had the Christmas tree up and decorated, had hung stockings and fixed a center piece for the dining table!!!!!!!!!  It was like having Santa Clause come after you had decided not to believe in him anymore!!!!!!   It’s wonderful; I love it!!!!!

Friday our daughter-in-law is coming to stay while I go to the caregiver’s meeting!!!!!  Isn’t it wonderful?  I feel like Shirley McClain in Sweet Charity singing If They Could See Me Now.  If I just had a top hat and cane, I would sing and dance.  Yea, yea, 

Now where did I get that little and big print?   

PRAYER

Do you believe in prayer?  I do.  At least I say I do.  If I really do, why am I so astonished when my prayers are answered so soon and so abundantly? 

I told the Lord that I had been a little lonely lately.  It would be nice if a friend gave me a call. 

Good Grief!!!!!!  Before the day was over, a neighbor and his girlfriend called and asked us to meet them for lunch!  Another friend called and asked if we were okay  - said Darling did not look so good last time he saw us.  Amazing!!  What was the 3^rd call?  I’ve forgotten; I am catching dementia from Darling.  A couple of days later, a neighbor came by and brought us a pot of flowers.  Now that is astonishing. 

I told a friend one time that I had never seen an angel.  She said I probably had seen an angel but that I just thought it was a scruffy old man.  Maybe there are lots of angels around and I just overlook them the same way I overlook answered prayers.  That is a shame.