GOING DOWN HILL

Jas. Asleep on sofa; he awoke and said for me to answer the phone. I told him he had been asleep and must have dreamed it because the phone had not rung. He very quickly took off his watch and handed it to me and said for me to answer it. I took the watch and looked at it and wondered what to do. I finally put it to my ear and he said “That's not the phone.” He closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

So strange.

A DIFFERENT LIFE

My friend Judy;s husband died. So sad but also a blessing; he is no longer in pain – mentally and physically. Take care of yourself, Judy.

I cooked a brisket this week. Took half of it to our potluck at the painting society. Took the other half to the church for the youth group's meeting. I am trying so very, very hard to keep myself busy and and involved in some things just for me. It is amazing how hard it is to just make arrangements to have someone (someone I approve of) stay with James, get my stuff (art supplies, food, etc.) loaded in the car and back out of the driveway.

A few days ago I sat and listened to a lady complain about all the things in her life that she hates. That she hates getting up so early for church; she would love to sit and drink coffee on Sunday mornings. She hates daylight savings time; well don't we all hate it? Lots of other things of the same ilk. I just listened and thought to myself “Honey, you ain't seen nothing”.

Yesterday I planted 8 tomato plants, some sweet basil and some lettuce. The next few days are “barren days” according to Farmer's Almanac, don't plant anything. Thank goodness; that about “corked” me as my neighbor used to say.

Loving Hands built a ramp from front porch to ground so James can get down easier. It is really great; I love it. It is also another reminder of what my life has become.

Am reading South of Broad by Pat Conroy He such a great writer.

And now to James – he is slowly going down and down. But I don't seem to want to write about it.

DECEPTION

I've never lied so much in my life – lie, deceive, sneak around, hide things.

I just hung up shirts in the guest room closet and there were a box of cereal, Honey Bunches of Oats, and half a package of Oreo cookies.

I bought cookies the other day – biscotti. Eight to a box. I made us some coffee, brought us each a cup of coffee and a biscotti. The next time I looked, there were only two biscotti left; he had eaten the other four in a matter of 30 minutes. I snatched the last two up and hid them in the back of the cup towel drawer. When I told this to Missy, she laughed and said that the week she was with him, she found herself stashing food everywhere – thus, food in the guest room.

He has driven me crazy ever since we went back off daylight saving time. He can't figure out how to reset his digital watch. He has worn this same kind of watch for years and years but now he can't reset it. Several times a day he would tell me the other clocks in the house were an hour off. I would explain daylight savings time and that the clocks were right and his watch was wrong. A few minutes later, we would go through the whole loop again. We were doing this several times a day and I was going gaga. So naturally, I snitched his watch and put it under some stuff in the junk drawer, and said I did not know where it was.

Yesterday I gave Missy some money and asked her to get him a watch and say it came from her (thought he would accept it as a gift from her; if I gave it to him, he might think it was the wrong kind and give me grief about it). About six or 8 times last night, he would ask where the watch came from. Why did she buy it for him? We should reimburse her for the watch. I said I would. On and on. Whats is that quote about “when first we practice to deceive”.

I'm getting hungry now – better go to the guest room for some cereal.

IS THIS THE HARD PART?

My darling has been pretty easy - as compaired to some others.  I have been telling myself that one day God is going to say "Okay Maridelle, here comes the hard part".  Is this that time?

Things have gotten a little worse. He keeps asking me where Maridelle is, where his wife is? When is Mary is coming back. Is she coming back for good? What is in that poor man's brain. Where are the people are who are staying with us. He wants to know if Drew is coming home tonight. He is so good socially that people probably don't believe he really does the things he does.

It is very curious to me that I love this man. After all, this is not the man I married. Have I said this before?

The last two nights I have given him Seroquil to calm him down before bedtime. It really does the trick. I mentioned to doctor Tuesday that several of the things James takes are to make life easier for me. He agreed and said that was completely approved; I need to be able to get through this, as well as James. Thank heavens for that good doctor.

Talked to my friend Judy yesterday. Her husband is worse than mine. At least James is cooperative (usually).

Stop the rambling, Maridelle.

LIVE BETTER THROUGH CHEMESTRY

Things have been hectic around here for a week or two. Either James does not phrase his sentences so they are real understandable any more or my brain is not receiving as well as it used to. Then add to that the fact that I forgot our evening meds two days in a row. Last Monday almost brought tears and blows – to both of us.

Was it DuPont who used to say “Live better through chemestry”?

Bill P. thanks for the note; I really appreciate it.

MORE CEREAL STORIES

There are only three things James can think of to eat - beer, ice cream and cereal. He eats a huge amount of cereal; so we are always running out of cereal or milk. So now he eats those little Wheat Thin crackers in a bowl with milk and sugar. Our daughter thinks it is a good thing – now I can buy the cheapest cereal at the grocery store and he won't know the difference.

Recently we had bbq ribs, home cooked black eye peas, sweet potatoes home made bread and pie for dessert. (We usually have cheese and crackers or some such.) He ate a good dinner and 30 minutes later he was eating a bowl of cereal, then a bottle of Boost, then a coke, and several other things, don't remember what. I asked him if he was hungry. He said he did not know.

A very strange sickness.

THE WATERMELON SEED

We ate lunch at the local cafe the other day. I had watermelon. One of the seeds popped out on my neck.

James says “Oh you have a bug on you” and tries to brush it off.

“Oh no” he says “It has gone down the front of your dress”. And he pulls out the neck of my top and plunges his hand down my dress. I am pushing his hand away and saying “Don't do that, stop, quit.”

He is getting aggravated now “I am just trying to get it before it bites you – or stings you - or whatever he does”.

I am still pushing his hand away and now I am yelling, “It is not going to bite me; it is a watermelon seed”.

We should charge the cafe for entertainment.