A LAUGHING MATTER

Darling now wants someone else to order for him in a restaurant, not every time but often.  Sometimes it is not easy to do.

Miss stayed with him one day and as usual they went out to lunch.  She says he wanted her to order and wanted to discuss what was available.  Then when the waitress is standing there ready to write down the order, he wants to talk some more about it.  So when you get through giving his order you are exhausted but also realize you have not figured out what you want.  (I have noticed this too.)  So it is easy to just order something simple or order the same thing he is getting which is not what you would have ordered if you had a chance to consider the menu.  This time Miss ordered ribs and French fries for herself.  When it was served she had four ribs and fries. 

Well he thought hers looked good and wanted a taste or her ribs. She said she cut off a bite or two for him.  Later he asked for a taste of ribs; he didn’t remember he had already had a taste.  She put a few more bites on his plate.  Then he mentioned her ribs looked really good – could she spare a rib?  So she cutoff a whole rib and put it on his plate.  She said she looked down at her plate and she hardly had any meat left; so she ate French fries. 

When they got in the car he said he was really overly full and asked if she wasn’t too?   She said no that she was still kind of hungry.  He really could not understand that.  They serve a lot of food there and she must really eat a lot if that was not enough food for her.  She just laughed and when she told me I laughed. 

DOWNHILL

I think Darling is going downhill some more -  brainwise.  He could not make change at the restaurant where we eat lunch.  He asked where the people were who had slept on the sofa.  He could see they were no longer there but where did they go?  Who was the woman who had been sitting beside me on the sofa? 

He asked if his mother was staying here with us?  No.  Where is she then?  She died about 25 years ago.  Oh yeah.  He did not seem too disturbed.

He has trouble getting up from our low sofa.  Sometimes he cannot walk without falling.  I hang on to him.  Is this weakness in his legs or is it dementia?

More sadness. 

SEISURE

I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and Darling was as stiff as a board, arms out in front of him and shaking all over.  I tried to pull his arms down and could not.  Tried to talk to him.  After about a minute he stopped shaking and went limp but I could still not get him to focus his eyes on me.  Called 911 and went to hospital.  They asked questions – had he ever done this before?  No.  Had he fallen and hit his head?  No.  They did a CAT scan and said it showed that he had had some small seizures before.  They said it could be caused by a bump on the head – even a bump on the head in the past.  Said sometimes they were never able to find what had caused it.  I decided against anti-seizure medication; he takes about 16 pills a day now; do we need to put one more chemical inside him.  Will talk to the kids about this again.  They may want meds.

Going to Dallas today to celebrate Christmas.  It will be nice.  We will have fun. 

WONDERFUL DAIY

Caregivers, do some things for yourself.  Make some time for yourself.  Yes, everyone tells us to do that.  And we agree.  We are going to do that.  But sometimes we put it off – for days, for weeks, for years?  That’s too long. 

I now have a lady coming for 4 hours a day once a week.  Yesterday was her first day.  I hit all the hot spots – Walmart’s, CVS and the library.  (Yes, living in the country is nothing like living in the city.)  At each place I took my time, didn’t hurry, didn’t keep looking at my watch.  I was like a bird out of a cage.  In my mind I was throwing my arms in the air and twirling around in circles.

Today our daughter came to spend the day with her father while I went to lunch with a friend and spent some time visiting with some other friends.  When I got home she had the Christmas tree up and decorated, had hung stockings and fixed a center piece for the dining table!!!!!!!!!  It was like having Santa Clause come after you had decided not to believe in him anymore!!!!!!   It’s wonderful; I love it!!!!!

Friday our daughter-in-law is coming to stay while I go to the caregiver’s meeting!!!!!  Isn’t it wonderful?  I feel like Shirley McClain in Sweet Charity singing If They Could See Me Now.  If I just had a top hat and cane, I would sing and dance.  Yea, yea, 

Now where did I get that little and big print?   

PRAYER

Do you believe in prayer?  I do.  At least I say I do.  If I really do, why am I so astonished when my prayers are answered so soon and so abundantly? 

I told the Lord that I had been a little lonely lately.  It would be nice if a friend gave me a call. 

Good Grief!!!!!!  Before the day was over, a neighbor and his girlfriend called and asked us to meet them for lunch!  Another friend called and asked if we were okay  - said Darling did not look so good last time he saw us.  Amazing!!  What was the 3^rd call?  I’ve forgotten; I am catching dementia from Darling.  A couple of days later, a neighbor came by and brought us a pot of flowers.  Now that is astonishing. 

I told a friend one time that I had never seen an angel.  She said I probably had seen an angel but that I just thought it was a scruffy old man.  Maybe there are lots of angels around and I just overlook them the same way I overlook answered prayers.  That is a shame.

GETTING WORSE

In church last Sunday, Darling asked me 3 or 4 times.  “Is this morning or evening?”  Could he not recognize that we were in church?  We never go to church in the evening.  How will it all end?  There is a hollow place in my stomach.

FRIENDS

Friends are wonderful.  Yes, we all know this but sometimes it needs to be said out loud. 

Houston friends were in town and called us for dinner.  Darling asked 5,280 times:  Now who is coming?  Where will we meet them?  What time?  Where do they live?  Etc!!!  After answering about 200 times I wrote it on the dry erase board for him.  Yes, I am slow.  Then when he would ask, I would say to read the board.  I noticed a twitch in my leg.  Twitch.  More questions. Twitch.  More questions.  Twitch.  I am even getting tense telling about it. 

They finally got here.  My jaws were clenched.  We went to McClains.  (Good old McClains.)  Our good friend Tom even met us there.  Tom’s wife could not come; she was at home with her mother in her caregiver capacity.  She has been a caregiver for the 20 years we have known her and even before that.  She puts the rest of us in the shade as caregivers.    

We talked.  We told each other about upcoming wedding plans for our granddaughters.  We heard old stories about motorcycle accidents, restoring cars, square dancing.  I noticed my jaws had unclenched.  Darling kept ordering more beer.  Then he forgot he ordered it so when the waitress brought it, he thought she was  reading his mind.  We were all laughing including Darling.

When the evening was over I realized I was smiling, relaxed, okay with the world. 

That is what friends can do for us.